New Reviews of Old Comics
I went to my favorite local comic shop (Comic Depot) the other day with every intention of NOT buying anything. For real. I was birthday shopping for my son. I didn’t find anything he wanted in the trade paperback section, so I moved to the dollar section thinking I would get a handful of GI Joe comics and hope he didn’t have them. Turned out there were A LOT more boxes of dollar comics than last time and as I quickly rifled through them I came across this one. C’mon. How can I pass this one up? No way. I’d be regretting it for a long time. The thing was I couldn’t figure out why it was in the dollar box; it didn’t seemed ripped or tattered, but there are some water stains near the top. That had to be it. Either way, this was a good find. It’s hard to beat an issue of Lois Lane for sheer campy fun. Oh, I didn’t buy a single thing for my son either. Wound up going to Amazon for that.
The first story, “Lois Lane, Cupid” is uncredited, but Kurt Schaffenberger did manage to sneak his signature into the first panel, so we at least know he wrote it. Lois and colleague/romantic rival Lana Lang are at a charity fundraiser in their honor which includes an ice cream sculpture of each, and Superman has the honors of the first dish. Lois is convinced Superman will eat her ice cream head first over Lana’s, but the Man of Steel is sly and wisely takes a rain check on the whole sordid affair. Secretly Lois believes Superman would marry HER, but he doesn’t want to hurt Lana’s feelings, so she hatches a plan to make Lana believe Clark Kent is Superman so Lana would fall in love with Clark, they would marry and thereby encouraging Superman to marry Lois. *phew* The nefarious plan has Lois planting a phony pair of Clark’s glasses that Lana would find (Superman wouldn’t need real glasses), dropping a lead box of Kryptonite from Clark’s jacket (only Superman would need a lead box for Kryptonite) and leaving a news clipping from the future announcing Lana and Clark’s wedding (Superman was just in the future on a mission). It’s all too much evidence for Lana who can declare her love for Clark because 1964 is a Leap Year (she’s a big Amy Adams fan). Things take a turn for the worse for Lana & Clark when she prods him to man up and admit he’s Superman (they’re getting married after all; no secrets) and pulls off his glasses only to find they’re prescription glasses! What?!?! Clark is pissed because Lana didn’t love him for being Clark, but because she thought he was Superman; wedding off. Superman confronts Lois about her skullduggery, even saying that he and Clark are the same person, until Lana steps in to bitch Superman out, leading Lois to believe they can’t be the same because Lana would never pass up marrying Superman. Ol’ Supes curses women and flies off to his “fortress of solitude” if-you-know-what-I-mean.
Next is “Lois Lane, Daily Planet Editor” where Lois calls out Perry on his promise to let her be the boss to celebrate Metropolis’ annual Ladies Day. She immediately turns into Super-Bee-atch making Jimmy and Perry count nickels while sending Clark off to cover a dedication at the Botanical Gardens. That’s all I got because the next however many pages are missing. So that’s why it was in the dollar box.
At last we get to the eight page cover story “The Monster Who Loved Lois Lane!” Using his x-ray vision, Clark ducks out the Planet offices to avoid an assignment so he can go on a mission as Superman (a likely story), so Perry has no choice but to send Lois. She gets the deadly dull assignment of talking to some egghead trying to open a door to another dimension, which seems lame until she finds out the egghead knows what he’s doing. In fact he does it so well a creature from that dimension sees Lois through the portal, falls in love (how could you not) and crosses over. Earth isn’t exactly ready for a pink ape looking creature with tails for arms so Metropolis goes nuts. Herko isn’t malicious, he’s just head over heels for Lois, protecting her from cars and trying to give her gifts like trees and live animals. After getting slapped around a bit, Superman eventually has the plan to get Herko back home, leaving Lois a little sad. The last panel is something else as Lois declares Herko wasn’t so bad and she hopes to see him again as Superman gives her a look that says “WTF, Lois…”
Even with the missing pages from the middle story, this issue of Lois Lane was worth every cent of the dollar spent. The cover alone is classic! So none of the stories here are exactly high-water marks in the pantheon of comic book literature, but who’s looking for that when you pick up Lois Lane, right? My rule of thumb when looking at cheap comics; if you ever find Lois Lane or Jimmy Olsen grab them quick and read them. You won’t be disappointed.