New Reviews of Old Comics
During the peak of my comic collecting days, late 80s early 90s, I remember reading about Metal Men in Comic Buyers Guide or other similar publications that Metal Men was a great title that just never got its due; revered by hardcore comic fans and similar words of praise. I read about them in DCs Who’s Who title that indexed all of the DC characters through their then 50 year history. A team of robots with elemental powers and human personalities; it sounded pretty cool, but I never read an issue. While dredging through the $1 box at my local comic shop I actually found an old Metal Men issue. Needless to say I was pretty excited.
The cover was pretty intriguing with all of the Metal Men fighting some big lug bursting out of the ground. I noticed Walt Simonson did the art, which was a HUGE plus for me. So a couple nights ago I pulled it from my “to read” stack and was promptly bored to tears within about four pages. I kept going thinking, hoping that something, anything would pique my interest. That never happened and I never finished it. To put this in perspective, I read every panel on every page of Millie the Model #197, as stupid and ridiculous as that was. I did not finish Metal Men #45 out of sheer boredom. Metal Men was LESS readable than Millie the Model. Words I thought I would never write about any comic book. Ever. Honestly I can’t explain one specific thing that turned me off; the writing was dull and wordy (I think Steve Gerber was paid by the word and saving for a shiny convertible), and as much as it pains me to says it, Walt Simonson’s art was kind of, I don’t know, flat, I guess.
No doubt there are some out there who think Metal Men is a great read, I’m just not one of them. There aren’t many comics I would say this about, but I won’t buy another issue of Metal Men if I see one in the ol’ dollar box again.
Best Ad: This issue was so bad even the ads were lacking humor and imagination, so in the spirit of public service, let’s focus on a PSA, “Justice for All Includes Children, 2.” Is this a second part, or does the “2” mean “too”? No idea. Anyway, a couple of kids are watching another kid spray paint a building when the cops (and Superman) notice. The cop tries to speak with the kids, but they just run away so the cop (and Superman) chase them. Suddenly the building owner comes out and explains he paid those boys to paint a mural, he didn’t know why they ran. Superman naturally gives a lecture about cooperating with the police and how running makes you look guilty. So I guess the moral of the story is don’t run from the cops if you’re innocent, but if you are guilty run, and run as fast as you can, because you never know when Superman is watching and waiting to give a lecture.